Overwhelming Response To Giveaway Crashes BIKEMAG.COM Server

Well, actually, it was nothing like that. The single most noteworthy aspect of this giveaway was that of apathy. Normally, I’d think that giving away eight free entries to a 24-hour race in beautiful Colorado would have the racers crawling out of the woodwork, flocking like lemmings to a cliff, teeming like ants at a sugar spill, swarming like wasps at a church picnic, bringing forth the enthusiastic pedalheads of this fine land with the same fervent response that word of a Jack Johnson concert elicits amongst teenage girls.

But noooooo. “I have to work” was the most common refrain heard when we began to raise questions to you, the webby populace, upon noticing a distinct lack of response to this Veritable Bonanza. “It’ll still cost a lot” was another excuse. “I might chip a nail” was also right up there, as was “my mommy says it’s past my bedtime”.

Sad to say, and I never thought I’d be the one to say it, but I get the distinct impression that bike racers these days are turning into a bunch of pansies.

However, two stalwart solo hard-asses stepped right up, and stepped up hard, as did a quartet of crusty old bastards. So, with much fanfare, and with none of the disdain that I now hold for all the candy-ass “too busy to race for free” wieners out there, I am proud to present the winners of the SITS/Kona/Bikemag Race For Free Sweepstakes:

Lynda Wallenfels, Solo category In all reality, Lynda is way too fast to be slumming for free race entries. She is a bona-fide hard endurance racer, who has podium-ed or won just about every 100 miler and 24 solo event in the country over the past couple years. But she’s also a mom, and she’s Scottish, and she’s trying to do this totally unsupported without the knowledge of her husband, children, or in-laws. And, she gets bonus points for being the first entrant, utilizing correct grammar and punctuation, and following the rules of the contest.

Lynda Wallenfels podium-ed or won just about every 100 miler and 24 solo event in the country over the past couple years.

Jim Ishman, Solo category Not to be outdone, Jim has stepped up with the following threat: He’s going to ride to the event. He’s going to race solo, unsupported, on a one speed. It will be his first time riding a one speed, ever. He’s gonna drink a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon for every lap he completes, and he’s going to shop for ALL his race provisions, food-wise, at the 7-11 in Granby on the way to the race. This, my friends, is how you enter a “I want to race for free” contest. With conviction! With a little spine, Goddammit!

Ishman will drink a Pabst Blue Ribbon every lap and will only eat provisions purchased from the local 7-11.

Team Pedal Power Old Farts Not sure these guys deserve a free entry. They’ve won every Old Fart 24 hour race in the past two years, and their resume reads about as dry as kindling. But at least they entered, and also followed the rules. And since the only other entries came from a couple semi-literate monkeys posing as solo racers who seemed completely incapable of following even the simplest directions, as well as a team of guys pretending to be tennis legends from the ‘70s trying to poach the co-ed class (and no, guys, Billie Jean King and Martina Navritalova are still females, regardless of how fast they serve), the TPPOF get the nod.

The Old Farts, poolside. Lookin' cool and attracting the ladies, XC-Style.

Let’s just hope The Farts do more than sit around the swimming pool in their lycra…By the way, the Old Farts are (from left to right) John Cummings, age 42; Bruce Kelly, age 53; Bill MacFarlane, age 40; and Ronan Murray, age 41. Total combined age (for all you folks lacking an abacus on your desktop) amounts to a staggering 176. Which only leaves one question: why the hell is Ronan wearing his helmet in this poolside photo?

Okay, there ya have it. Congratulations to the winners, we look forward to seeing you in a couple weeks! And recording every painful second for posterity! As for the rest of you slack, apathetic, sorry excuses for mountain bikers, all I have to say is this - “I remember when people had spines”

For FULL RACE INFO & COURSE DESCRIPTION, click the following link: www.sleeplessinthesaddleusa.com