Events: Zoobomb Mini Bike Winter V

A startline at MBW-V Photo www.allenink.ws

Portland's Zoobombers struck a blow against the forces of boredom last week by hosting the fifth annual Mini-Bike Winter games (MBW-V), which featured four days of gravity-flavored adrenaline served up on two tiny wheels. Saturday's Ben Hurt Chariot War set a whole new standard for stupid bike fun as a dozen or so heavily armed chariot teams waged a brutal melee war in a post-apocalyptic bombed-out graffiti-tagged former smelter and current toxic Superfund site along the banks of the north Willamette River. Costumed warriors beat each other senseless in front of a few hundred screaming spectators. It was like WWF meets Mad Max meets Fight Club... on kid's bikes. There are no rules. The last one standing wins. The frenzy of rolling violence catalyzed the crowd's repressed angst until the last few remaining chariots were swarmed by a mob and everything devolved into a full blown bike rumble with people throwing fireworks and bottles and bike parts and tearing everything to pieces. Nothing that entered the building came out intact. The team that won was the only gender split crew. The female charioteer—clad in motorcycle leathers and full face helmet was permanently strapped in and had to be cut free of her chariot at the end so the mob could hoist her in the air while tears ran down her cheeks from the pain. It was insane bike riot madness, but I haven't seen a crowd have that much fun... um, maybe ever.

Check out some video of the Ben Hurt madness HERE

There was some concern the Olympic Games on Sunday would be anti-climactic until the Cupcake Challenge—where riders charge down a 25-degree sloping boat ramp and huck into the freezing cold sludge of the Willamette—when one of the female participants trumped all absurdity by riding a tall bike off the dock naked. There was of course much drinking, dancing, and bombing downhill through Washington Park at warp-factor-crazy.

Watch a montage of the weekend's events: HERE

My favorite sound bite of the weekend occurred after the Ben Hurt carnage, when cops descended upon the smelter to chase off the mob. The infamous Rev Phil was walking his mini up the hill wearing a leather Dead Kennedys jacket and a twin-fin mohawk when a PoPo asked: "what's the occasion?"

Phil replied ... "Oh, just a little free fun. Happens all the time."

Viva la fun.

The Ben Hurt Chariot race Photo www.allenink.ws