3-15-07 // Online Exclusive: Portland's Mini-Bike Winter IV

Bike Swing Johnathon Allen - www.allenink.ws

When you're looking at six months of incessant rain, bone chilling cold, and swarms of SUV driving assholes, skipping town for a tropical beach sounds like the perfect revenge. Really, I just needed to pan back by a few degrees of latitude and get a break from the weather to see the beauty of where I live. In addition to having a vibrant nightlife, numerous adventure sports options, and the best donuts and beer in the free world, Portland is a prolific breeding ground for the bread and butter of my business—freaks, derelicts, and fringe wandering fanatics.

The Huffy Toss Johnathon Allen - www.allenink.ws

Cults of every type thrive in the Petri-dish of the Pacific North West: indie rock bands; performance poets; techno DJs; pro skaters; Hash House Harriers; Linux geeks; Frisbee golfers; pinball gangs; sci-fi graphic novelists; adult soapbox derby racers; transvestite punk rock circus performers; mutant DIY bike cults; satanic Santa societies... the list is never ending and their various gatherings are frequently attended by hundreds of practitioners.

This year’s MBW-IV drew a few hundred bike freaks together from San Francisco, Seattle, and the greater Canadian metro area for five days of Greco-Roman themed antics on kids’ bikes including: blind chariot races, illuminated naked midnight rides across the city, huffy tossing competitions, tricycle/PBR relays and, of course, bombing downhill through Washington Park at 40mph in the dark on tiny bikes with no brakes.

PBR trike race Johnathon Allen - www.allenink.ws

One of the highlights was the brutal Ben Hurt Deth Match—a vicious bike chariot melee between club wielding opponents, last one standing wins. Punk rock, public nudity, and fashionable gladiator drag queens dominated. Despite considerable carnage, no one died, and it was widely reported that everyone had a scandalously good time—even the Canadians.