5-30-07 // Online Exclusive: Chopper's Leg Hair E-Bay Auction
Greg Randolph
Authentic Chopper Leg Hair—grown in an all natural environment over the course of six years, this mane was fed a hormone and antibiotic free diet of hamburgers, beer, and bacon and eggs, this is the fur of a happy free range Chopper. Quite a find, this fine mat of follicle delight was harvested on a full moon and is guaranteed to be the highest quality human mohair available on the market today. Proceeds of this auction will go to fund the first ever Sheeptown Fat Tire Rally, the first mountain bike festival ever held in Sun Valley, Idaho.
Not sure what to do once you pay top dollar for this incredible material? I have a number of great uses which are listed below but most importantly you realize that this hair purchase will mark your departure on a voyage into the exciting, new world of alternative hair use.
Possible uses:
Costumes galore... you could make a fake mustache, goatee, even a wookie outfit, or throw on some basketball and you have Teen Wolf! Instant success at your next costume party!
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Insulation! You could glue it to your own legs, sew it inside your sleeping bag, or put inside the walls of your cabin
Incense! I washed with an apple-scented soap prior to shaving and this aroma combined with the smell of burning leg hair can set the mood anywhere!
Smudge sticks! Roll them up into little dreadlocks and burn sweeping smoke in a special pattern to rid your space of evil spirits!
Locks of Love! Want to donate but don't have the resources? You can re-gift this amazing hair purchase and deduct your expenses from your taxes!
Implants! Lacking hair in certain regions? Want some shoulder hair or back hair and can't seem to grow your own? Bald and a little self conscious but not enough to take random drugs hoping for results? Place a dollop of rubber cement where you need it, stick some of these hairs in that glue and that bald inadequate feeling will disappear!
Make your own clothes! How about a nice pair of Expedition weight hair shorts? A warm scarf for winter? Maybe even a hat for the advanced hair knitter. Forget Patagonia, this stuff is warmer than mink, sew it onto your favorite pair of boxers and spend your days out in the cold weather worry free
Great for jokes! Place a little pinch of this hair in all of your buddy’s books, clothes, on his laptop, in his coffee, in his shoes, under his pillow, next to his eggs, or toss a handful into an oscillating fan on a hot day and see who screams loudest!
Be creative! Stuff a nice travel pillow. It’s organic and hypoallergenic; does your dog need a new bed? How about some new dingle balls for your low rider?
Firestarter! Spray it with hairspray and you will have something more combustible than a cat soaked in gas.
In the end you will realize that the possibilities are endless. Send BIKE Magazine your submissions for the most creative use of this leg hair to ASG1@primedia.com and win a Smith Optics Prize package valued between $.15 and $150!
For more info about the Sheeptown Fat Tire Rally go to roadanddirt.org
-Chopper
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