Join the Team Where Personality Matters More than Race Results

Dying to ride Granny Gear’s 24 Hours of Temecula? Can’t quite pull-off the cost of entry? If you possess a fighting spirit and a winning personality Bike magazine wants to pay your way. Bike is assembling a five-person Dream Team to compete in the 24-hour relay race on April 23rd and 24th in southern California.

The Dream Team will be composed of people from every walk of life, so the further you personally stray from the “typical mountain bike racer” mold, the better. Send resumes, pictures (or video) and a short blurb explaining why you deserve a place on our Dream Team to Bike Magazine’s Dream Team Manager, Mr. Dain Zaffke.

You can email Dain directly (the preferred method) at dain@bikemag.com

Or you can get all old school and snail mail your entry to:

Bike Magazine Dream Team

Attn: Dain Zaffke

33046 Calle Aviador

San Juan Capistrano, CA 92675

Our trained chimpanzee Mr. Bungles will choose a group of semi-finalists from the massive number of entries that will flood Dain’s in-box. Your fellow Bikemag.com readers will then vote and decide which of the semi-finalists actually makes it onto the Dream Team. Voting will take place on Bikemag.com from April 18th to 20th.

Although everyone is welcome to apply, we aren’t going to lie to you, the following characteristics will increase your chances of being picked:

-Experience in any foreign conflict

-Current or previous experience living off the land/on the street

-Detail-oriented full-time IT worker

-Currently employed as a full-time, long-haul truck driver

-Spirited stay-at-home mother

Ideally one team member from each category will be picked. Realistically, we’ll probably have some other equally odd mix. Entry fees, food and lodging expenses will be completely covered by Bike Magazine. Bike will also help provide equipment (bikes, clothing, tools, lights). Transportation to and from the event, however, will be the responsibility of the participants. All questions, comments or concerns should be directed to dain@bikemag.com

Yes, this is Dain Zaffke your potential Dream Team Manager. Be warned: he's sensitive about the whole test tube/cloning thing. Tread softly on that one.

Dain, by the way, is an intimidating specimen of a Team Manager. Mr. Zaffke is, to be precise, an exact genetic clone of Dolf Lundgren. It turns out that when Warner Brothers was creating promotional materials for Rocky IV, they decided to make a clone of Rocky’s tall “Russian” opponent. Dain was the result.

Sadly, the guy in charge of marketing at the studio was fired before the genetic cloning project was completed and the whole “shock the masses with a Dolf clone” promotional endeavor was lost in the shuffle. Dain languished during the `80s and `90s, in a series of cramped, dusty test tubes at the back of a Warner Brothers’ warehouse. Dane was eventually sold off to a thrift shop in West Covina, where we picked him up along with an ancient rice cooker for seventeen bucks and some change. Those dark years spent being shuffled from one uncomfortable test tube to the next forged Dain into a hard-as-nails, take-no-crap kind of zygote. Dolf may have been lounging on yachts, sipping fruit-flavored, malt liquor drinks following the release of Rocky IV, but Dain never tasted La Dolce Vita.

In short, Dain’s a bad ass with a chip the size of Texas balanced precariously atop his bleached flat-top. He’s fast, he’s lean, and he’ll probably break you down into a blubbering mess of lycra and sweat if you show the slightest hint of weakness at the 24 Hours of Temecula. Consider yourself warned—he’s that kind of genetic freak. So send in your application today!