The Booze Cruise

"I don't condone this event."-Mountain Bike magazine's Matt Phillips on the Intern Century

"As expected, Billy proved once again that we are superior to those wanna-be freeriding piss-ants in every way."Zapata Espinoza, executive editor at Mountain Bike magazine, referring to Bike magazine after being told that his intern won the Century

"FREERIDE FOREVER"-Main cover-line on the July 2001 issue of Zap's magazine, Mountain Bike

"He could have been such a dick about it... That's the best he can come up with? He's getting soft."-Mike Ferrentino on Zap's use of the word "piss-ant"

"Two years ago, they wouldn't even talk to me. You sure have to grovel when you're number two!"-Anonymous product manager, on the sudden attention he's been getting from Mountain Bike magazine editors lately

"Wouldn't that make them piss-ants if we're wannabe piss-ants?"-Ron Ige, after reflecting on what it will take for us to become more than just "wannabe piss-ants"

"Are they gonna be in buns, or are we just going to have a bunch of loose weenies?"-Bike Senior Publisher Ben Warner, on the hot-dog eating contest (we think)

"Let me tell you about trailer trash..."-The Mrs. to Easton's Eric Herting

FSU: Fuck Shit Up

"Enough shop talk. We gotta wake up early to FSU tomorrow."-Ron Ige, on why it was lights out at the Bike condo in Mammoth

"I thought of you last night when I saw Pat Benatar in concert downtown in Buffalo."-Random quote by Editor-at-Large Vernon Felton to our art director

It's been a very busy few weeks to say the least. Why? Because while every other mag has been invisible, hastily avoiding its readers and talking smack behind a computer/smoke screen, Bike's Heavy Pedal Tour has been out with the general public, riding, giving stuff away and just hanging out. If you made it to the Mammoth NORBA National, you probably saw the Bike Heavy Pedal Tour motorhome parked in the pits (with plenty of extra space due to no other magazine supporting the scene with any type of booth).

Saturday was a festival of all kinds. First, we ran a hot-dog eating contest (with special guest entry Joel Smith from Manitou). The winner, who ate something like 16 unheated hotdogs in five minutes, got to take home a new RockShox Psylo fork for his efforts. Even though Joel stuffed a lot of weenies in his mouth (and five in his sock), he still didn't get the prize I know he wanted.

Immediately after that, it was on to the much-celebrated Intern Century. Mountain Bike suggested a drinking contest, so we went into action while they, as usual, slacked until the work was done. We secured WTB at the title sponsor (providing the keg and the venue), Jericho Bikes as the co-sponsor (providing the shot glasses), Marzocchi as the official headwear sponsor, B.O.B trailers as the official beer transportation-even SoBe loaned us two trophy girls/flashers. The game was simple: Every minute, our intern Dave the Canadian and Mountain Bike‘s Billy took a one-ounce shot of microbrew. After 100 minutes, 100 shots had been drunk. The rules stated that neither contestant could leave the table to pee, puke, shit or pass out. Both interns took their drinks like men, so the winner had to be determined in a sudden-death overtime. Sadly (for us anyway), young Mr. Bill put the hammer down, outrunning Dave up the hill, outriding Dave on the trike down the hill, thus taking a well-deserved win. Unfortunately, only Mountain Bike‘s fun-loving Jasen Thorpe was on hand to celebrate and provide support. In typical fashion, the rest of their staff avoided the contest (because it meant interacting with the public) like the plague until this week, and are all now strutting around like roosters claiming victory. To the real winners, Bill and Jasen, congrats! To the rest, nice show of support.

After the intern battle and much drinking of Lucky Lager by the spectators (again, free beer provided by Bike magazine), it was off to the dual slalom with keg in tow, where WTB, Joel from Manitou, Herting from Easton and our staff engaged in a beer fight that probably went a long way in undoing all the goodwill we spread earlier in the day.

Meanwhile, if there was a definitive moment at Mammoth, it was on the third lap of the pro men's cross-country, on the long uphill run after the feed zone. Volkswagen-Trek's Roland Green attacked and pedaled Volvo-Cannondale's Kashi Leuchs right off his wheel. It was an exhibition of power and speed that would bring a tear to the eye of any true racer or race fan. Roland easily held on to take the win. This guy is amazing this year and is a sure bet to hold his World Cup overall lead right on to the final race. Smart money will be on him at Worlds (as long as that flat-tire problem doesn't return). And what the hell is up with Steve Larsen? Our best American rider has basically thrown over mountain biking this year in favor of Ironman triathlons. Save us, your fans who want to see you do well against the Euro and Canadian contingent, the heartbreak of a half-assed effort like we saw at Mammoth. As one mid-pack pro said, "Steve would get out of the saddle and look like he was going to attack on the climb, but his speed stayed the same."

Throughout the year, I've been kinda down on the racing scene. Not because I don't love it, but because I've been angry at paying $45 to $50 in entry fees only to be treated like an afterthought by promoters who act like they are going out of their way to use the same shitty courses for twice the price with less return for the racer. My enthusiasm was rekindled tenfold at Mammoth. The organization was spot-on, the cross-country course was great, everything went off perfectly and, all in all, I was stoked to be at the bike races again as a participant as well as spectator. Still, that $50 entry fee...

THE BOOZE CRUISE

"Off the hook," as all the kids are saying these days. Somewhere in Valencia, California, a pack of 41 thirsty riders met and rode the bike paths to a collection of bars. Lead by a bullhorn-equipped Joel Smith, the pack not only got liquored up at a few bars, but also partook in on-the-bike drinking games. It is here that I should apologize to that guy for ghost-riding my $20, gold-painted team bike into his nice, single-speed Breezer before I chugged that beer. I gotta say, though, the five-man Bike team looked good all done up in matching khaki Dickies jumpsuits, astride gold-painted thrift-store bicycles. At every stop we had "team parking," where the kids piled their bikes up in the middle of a parking lot. At one pint, I mean point, ad guy Mike Vihon left his team bike in the parking lot of a Chili's. The next morning, when the motorhome returned at about 11 a.m. (less than 11 hours later), the bike was still there, lying amid a lot full of SUVs and BMWs. Bizarre moment of the night had to be the one told to me by Danger, driver of the Heavy Pedal motorhome. When Vihon ditched his bike at Chili's and was riding Danger around the streets of Valencia on the handlebars of Danger's bike (that's a $20 thrift-store bike painted gold, and they're both in jumpsuits, mind you)-completely lost-they ran into Harv. Seems Harv was out of his mind, drunk and lost too. (Never mind the fact he actually lives in Valencia.) Through slurred speech, Harv was able to tell the two lost team members how to get back to the motorhome parked next to Doc's Inn bar. But he couldn't tell them where he lived. In the end, no one got hurt, a lot of people got drunk and we went to Answer/Manitou sales guy Marty Mares' house to wake him and his wife up with a bullhorn sometime after midnight. Overall, it was fun. Plus, I got to wear a silly hat with a monkey on it.