Ode to the Mullet

By Mitchell Scott

The Mullet: so much more than just a hairstyle. It's a way of life. A spectacular form of multi-culturalism...at least that's the pitch Mitch is selling and he's Canadian, so he's sorta an authority on the subject.

My kid has a mullet and he’s only two years old. Fully natural. Not trimmed or shaped like you might think, just a completely honest, business up front, party out the back, rocker style mullet. For whatever reason, whether it be divine redneck intervention or shear coincidence, his bangs have barely grown while the curly locks on the back of his head have gone gangbusters.

I didn’t really notice it at first—just a crazy mop you see on many a small town kid. And then one day up at the ski hill, eating some fries, letting the little redneck rip between tables, stealing peoples goggles and smearing ketchup everywhere, I overheard some Australian snowboarders call him out: “Hey mate, take a look at that rippa over there would ya. He’s got a mullet!” And they laughed and laughed at the sight of the little guy hucking fries and working people over.

And that’s when it hit me. The mullet makes a statement. Maybe more so than any other hairstyle in the modern world. It’s a bold cut, one that gives significant insight about the constitutions of its wearer. A hairstyle so unique, it even has its own name.

On the drive back into town, the whole mullet incident got me thinking. Not too many small towns in North America really have a multicultural scene, not like you do in urban centers or international ports of call.

Sure, there are people from all over the world who live in my small B.C. town, but for the most part our populous, from the outside at least, looks—and acts—fairly homogenous. Except for our hair. That’s our multiculturalism, I’m starting to hypothesize, this pantheon of different hairstyles. Everything from dreadlocks to red mohawks to my kid’s preferred style of choice, the “neck blanket,” or “Canadian passport” as some have called it. And it’s cool. It’s how we differentiate ourselves. The red and the dread balance each other out, offering a rainbow of philosophies and sensibilities, sects and followings where within we can find our comfort zone and settle in. Like my kid has done.

As long as I can keep his mother and her scissors away, he’s going with the mullet, and you gotta love him for it.

Reader Comments

Posted Tue Apr14, 2009, 5:29 PM — By molly

I DoNt LiKE ThEsE tIpE OF MuLleTsS wHO DuZ Myn Is BeTtA cOZ MiNe iS nEoN gReEn aNd nEOn PiNk n bLue YaY (HaHhHa)

Posted Wed Sep30, 2009, 7:49 PM — By To the fag above

^^ Your a retarded cunt, get the fuck outta here